Hello, I have "trust issues".

But doesn't this make sense too?

Now if you really want to call it that, then I'll be the first to admit I have major "trust issues".

Why?

Because it's not anyone that I'd let in.

Especially into the innermost part of my world.

---

And funny story, but just a few days ago I went for my own therapy (yes therapists need their own therapists too).

Albeit this time round with a new therapist because I wanted to try something new.

And for the life of me I found myself "claming" up.

Where just like a clam, I didn't want to open - I wanted to stay shut.

Where again, while I felt bad for this new therapist I saw (sorry! But I guess it's your job!)

What I also felt was frustration and disdainment at myself - why couldn't I open up?

Especially since I thought I was a pretty vulnerable and open person myself already too.

I mean, aren't I sharing my innermost feelings right now right here to you?

--

But it made me also reflect and remind myself just how hard it is to be one sitting on the couch.

Bearing our feelings to a mere stranger we're told we're supposed to trust.

And I was also reminded of all my clients, gosh, aren't you all such a brave lot.

Because letting down our guard is not easy, especially if our safety is the cost.

--

So I wanted to share this post because I very well could have gone down a path of self-criticism that day.

But I didn't, because here's what I thought instead.

Do I have "trust issues"? Maybe I do, but doesn't that just make sense?

Because isn't my priority this? That I can't just let anybody in.

Why? It's simple.

I don't want to be hurt again.

--

To you out there experiencing a hard time opening up.

Don't blame yourself okay?

There's a good reason that you're not.

Go ahead, prioritize your safety. Take your time too, don't force yourself to open up.

But at the same time, ask yourself too:

Is this something I want to do?

What would it take to make me feel safe?

And if that happens, what would I like to do?

Then let's do.

P. S. Booking my next therapy session right now too.

Take care,

Hernping

😅

#trust

#trauma

#trustissues

#therapy